A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
