I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ladies don't puke and tell
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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