Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
