I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
