Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
