Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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