youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
