I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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