Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
