Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
