I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
