Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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