Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
