my being single is dangerous.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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