Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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