Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
