Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
