wrigley field is MILF paradise
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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