what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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