I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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