Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
