eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
