puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
