you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
