ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
