you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
