well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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