This is not my ceiling
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize