Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
