I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Two words: blizzard sex
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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