Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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