Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
