You smell like a Billy Joel song
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
