She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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