I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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