Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
