It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
