im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
