I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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