im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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