I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
