just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You're like the curious george of whores
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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