Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
