other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
