i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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