I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
