whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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