Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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