I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize