after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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