Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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