Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
