don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
