we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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