you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
