if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
