a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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