i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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