are you still at the devil's house?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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