dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
