my mouth tastes like poor choices
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
