So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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