I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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