Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love you. Go after that dick
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
